Chapter Text
It wasn't dawn yet. The castle was still quiet, yet Merlin lay awake in his bed. He wrestled with himself. Over and over again he had asked himself the question of the perfect time. He doubted that this moment really existed. There were perhaps favourable and very unfavourable situations, but perfect - no, that was an illusion. Lying had become such a habit for Merlin that he had no idea what it would be like to talk about his magic - to talk to Arthur about his magic. No, somehow he couldn't imagine that. And if he did manage it, all scenarios were not really pleasant. Still, it was time. Merlin knew that it was only due to great luck and a combination of various fortunate and unfortunate circ*mstances that his secret had not been discovered long ago. Merlin would call Arthur a good friend and he deserved to know the truth about himself.
Slowly the twilight set in. Merlin jumped out of bed, washed, dressed and made his way to the king's chambers. He entered quietly. He had resolved to do most of the duties that the king's servant had to do in the king's chambers before he spoke. You would think that the king was awake from tidying his clothes, opening the cupboards, polishing his armour, mending his clothes or cleaning the floor, but Merlin could do his work undisturbed. Even Gwen, who, unlike Arthur, was a morning person, merely turned to the other side when the closet door opened and continued to sleep. Merlin finally looked around the room and was satisfied. He rushed into the kitchen, stole an apple out of habit, greeted the cook and took the prepared meal with him for the royal couple. But he did not touch the apple. His stomach was a mess and he wanted to avoid vomiting in front of the king.
When he now entered the room, he tried not to be quiet at all. He prepared breakfast on the large wooden table and poured the milk into the cups. With a much too joyful "A beautiful good morning", he opened the curtains from the window.
Gwen woke up immediately. She smiled, gave another kiss to Arthur, who just growled at it, and she got out of bed. "Good morning, Merlin", she greeted the valet and her best friend.
"Good morning, Gwen," he replied absent-mindedly.
"I'm just going to go to my room and change, see you in a moment," she said goodbye, smiling. As she left the room, she was surprised to find that it was tidy and clean. Merlin could not have slept well if he was so bored that he had to do his duties so early, she thought.
While Gwen was smiling about the clean room, Merlin had already been able to tear the blanket from Arthur, who expressed his displeasure with a loud "MERLIN".
"Sire, wake up at last. You told me to wake you this morning, no matter how much you resist," Merlin said innocently.
Arthur mumbled to himself and was startled when Merlin hit him on the head with a pillow. "MERLIN, what do you think you're doing?" he shouted indignantly.
"Waking you, Your Majesty, as is my duty," Merlin replied mischievously.
"Your method of waking me is simply inappropriate and inappropriate for a king," mumbled Arthur. "But a morning grumbler like you cannot be awakened appropriately for a king, for otherwise you would always oversleep," Merlin asked to consider.
Arthur surrendered to his fate and finally rolled himself out of bed. Slowly he really woke up and thought about the reason for getting up so early today. For not one came to his mind. There was no meeting or council meeting scheduled. The next hunt would not be for several days. There was neither
A visit was expected, a celebration was still planned. Neither famine, imminent wars, mysterious murders nor other crises were known to Arthur. These were the thoughts Arthur had when he put on his royal robe with Merlin's help. Suddenly Arthur faltered, as he had noticed that not only his breakfast was already on his seat, but also all other Merlin's tasks in the room seemed to have been completed.
"If you really wanted to wake me up early, you probably didn't quite manage to do so when my room is already so tidy," Arthur said now, slightly annoyed.
"It's still early in the morning, sire, look outside and you'll see that the sun is only just rising," Merlin replied.
"Then how on earth is it possible that you are almost finished with your duties here?" exclaimed Arthur.
"I couldn't sleep," Merlin replied simply.
"You couldn't sleep?" Arthur asked irritatedly, at which Merlin merely nodded. "Why?" Arthur asked and looked Merlin in the face to see his facial expression. What he saw there alarmed Arthur, as the happy and mischievous grin had disappeared and showed a change between uncertainty, fear and resignation. Had Arthur not known better, he would even have claimed that pain was the most obvious. But this could not be true. For the moment, Camelot was living in peace and he would not have known that Gaius was ill.
Arthur heard Merlin take a deep breath several times, clenching and relaxing his hands into fists, and his face now expressed pure determination.
"Arthur. The reason why I woke you up so early today is because I need to talk to you," Merlin replied seriously.
"You cannot be serious, Merlin. We talk to each other every day," Arthur replied with incomprehension in his voice.
"That is true, my king, but there is something I would like to say to you before...", Merlin's voice broke. He knew that this situation would not be easy, but he failed before the conversation even took place.
Arthur saw how much Merlin struggled and said encouragingly, "Merlin, whatever you have to say to me, you can say it to me and I'm happy to hear it from you, whatever you want to say to me, because I trust you.
The moment Arthur said that, he was also aware of how often his trust had been abused by others close to him.
"Thank you, Arthur. Please promise me one thing: Please let me explain, then you can do what you want with me," Merlin asked quietly.
This gave Arthur goose bumps and his stomach contracted with a dark premonition, but he nodded anyway.
Arthur and Merlin were still standing in the middle of the room, with Merlin standing in front of Arthur and keeping his eyes lowered. The whole behaviour of Merlin not only irritated Arthur, because it didn't suit him at all, no, it scared him to the bone. Merlin began to tell quietly: "I came to Camelot and left Ealdor because I didn't fit in there anymore. I wanted to learn a lot and Camelot seemed like a suitable place. That's when I met you, a conceited, arrogant arse who called himself Prince." Merlin ignored the King's warning call and went on to say, "I couldn't stand you. I got a job with Gaius and was satisfied with it, but I simply could not control my quick tongue with you, which gave me a few hours in the stocks. I did not want to accept that I could have as a task to protect you. I even said in the beginning in a grudge that whoever wanted to harm you had my blessing and I would help him. But then the feast came and I realized how a sleeping spell worked. I could resist it and saw the dagger moving towards you in slow motion. I didn't make a conscious decision to save you, I just did it. And before I knew it, I was your servant. I don't know which one of us hated that more in this situation."
Merlin smiled and looked up. Arthur frowned, but then he smiled as he recalled his initial frustration. But then he stumbled upon two details. How was it possible for Merlin to "resist" the sleeping magic.
and he saw the dagger fly "like in slow motion"?
All Arthur got was a "how?" pressed out.
"Sorry, Arthur, years of habit don't go down that easily. I had no intention of deliberately not saying it." Merlin took a deep breath and then said, "I'm sorry, Arthur, but I have magic, that's why I didn't fall asleep under the sleeping spell and was quick enough to pull you out of the dagger's path. I've wanted to tell you for so long, but first I lied out of fear of your father, then out of fear of your reaction."
Arthur burst out laughing. The idea that Merlin was a sorcerer was just too absurd. His foolish and so loyal friend and servant could never be a sorcerer. It couldn't be. So this was just a joke of Merlin - admittedly the worst joke ever, but there was no other explanation, was there?
Abruptly the laughter stopped, because Arthur saw Merlin's wounded look. Slowly doubts began to arise in Arthur. It couldn't be true, could it? And yet, how often had small misfortunes happened to his opponent in the decisive moments that would never have happened to an experienced fighter? In how many hopeless situations had Arthur been alone - only with Merlin at his side - which, miraculously, they both survived. And yet he could not reconcile the image of Merlin as his clumsy and totally loyal servant with an evil sorcerer. Because magic was evil - he had taught this from childhood on and had felt it on his own body during all these years. But was magic really evil? Arthur only knew of examples that absolutely confirmed this. No, that was not quite right. For example, the Druids had given away the Cup of Life without a fight and before that they used it to save the life of Sir Leon, one of Arthur's most loyal knights of Camelot. The sorcerers who did good with magic had to do it in secret, otherwise they would have been sentenced to death for breaking the law...
"Arthur, say something, please," Merlin asked softly.
Arthur was torn from his thoughts and saw Merlin, who was even paler than usual. Arthur could not look Merlin in the eye. He needed time - time to think about whether this could be true, whether Merlin - Merlin of all people - was a traitor. He was totally confused and could not think clearly. He could not continue the conversation with Merlin now. But he had promised that he would give Merlin the opportunity to explain "it" and he stood by his word. He would listen to Merlin, no matter what he had to explain, but not at this moment. He first had to get over the shock that Merlin could be a magician and this thought dominated his complete thinking, an attentive listening was no longer possible.
"Leave me alone", Arthur finally ordered and looked out of the window, lost in thought. He missed the absolutely sad and broken expression in Merlin's face and he didn't hear how quietly the door closed.
